p a s t o ♛ e j

Sometimes, I envy how people do their stuff. It just amazes me how well they juggle their responsibilities, connect with others, discern things, and the way they pray--oh so fervently! I am left wishing that I could do things excellently, too. If there is a tone of bitterness associated with my sentiments, please disregard. But are their times that you were like me? I am told that if we'd do simple things over and over and love it all the more as we take every turn of opportunity it grants us to do it, then we can be good at something. Let's not wait until the gifts or people entrusted to us be taken away... like our parents... yeah, let's resolve to be the best son or daughter to them... the best sister or brother to our siblings... the best friend to everybody around... It isn't that hard, I assume.

lay it down by Jaci Velasquez/Beauty Has Grace

(note: this blog is written for a girl i ministered to/her life in mine)

Asked, what purpose do we have in life, most of us can't answer in concrete. In fact, a lot of people live in mere existence. A number live to work, revenge, run away from something or forced to engage in slavery. Terrible, but most of people's reason for living revolve in these. (No we're not talking about reasons to quit. No, not now. Hehe!)

I also had my fair share of I-thought-were-right answers. But when I had my "devo" last night, I came across the Bible's lost chapter which is actually addressed in Luke 15. It contains parables of lost stories. It rhema-ed on me that for a while in my straight life, I had been lost. Lost from the purpose for which I exist. Lost from God's presence. Lost from the intimacy with family. Away even from my own self. Though I was surrounded by a lot of people, I felt owned by no one. And oh, was it so hard feeling that way!

I was simply nowhere.

In the passage, the sheep got lost naturally. The coin got lost accidentally. The son got lost willfully. But in every case, someone went out to look for what got lost.

In the same way, Jesus' great love for me never let me be. He came down from heaven to seek and save the lost, including the sick person that I had become. He took my loneliness and struggle for love and changed me. Now, I keep marveling at the fact that I am found. I felt that I belong for the first time.

I now know how that sheep felt when his shepherd found him; what that ex-lost coin underwent (if ever it had feelings!) when the woman found it from earth covers; or when that younger son felt when he was accepted as he returned from slime. Surely, the people who owned them, missed them when they were lost. It is a joy for both parties as the magical event of being found came.

Persuaded, this is now my purpose: after being found, it's my turn to search the rest that are still... well, not totally lost, but covered... Hidden in pre-occupations... overwhelmed by struggles... and like me before, earthed with experiences that pained me to the core!

hey, will you join me in this quest?

In High School, I was already good at pretensions--trying to live up to the expectations of the "experts." I was successful in become a mind throb. I made them believe that I was that good. But really, I only became a pleaser and lost "me." I am not much of a crier. But when I saw this vid, I really felt my heart break into pieces in shame of really working too hard to be loved by the One I serve. Over the years, I had been like the others who wanted to be somebody I thought people would only love to hang out with. Somebody who is just like the rest.

But hey, I wasn't left all that. I found Jesus and He brought freedom to my captive soul. Woohoo!

So every time I watch this clip, I am reminded that when, again, I try to do all the tiring stuff of pleasing people, I am in the rut.

To be loved is to be known. To be loved is to stay assured that somebody loves us the way we are. No pushing too hard.

Who thought a black saturday would be very fun? No one until the recent one which we spent at Outland Adventure. My friends and I spent the whole day winning team challenges and conquering heights. The whole place was filled with shouts of fear and rushes of butterflies as we jumped 30-feet vertical logs. The whole day was definitely exhausting, but being with friends and together discovering our fears made the day worth. It was so much fun that we forgot the popular notion that if we get physically injured on a Black Saturday, it'll never be healed until the next Holy Week. Hush hush. But actually, never mind the possible overstaying of a bruise as long as we learn something that we can have and use for life: friendship, overcoming fears, discoveries, improving confidence and shouting out frustrations. Wattaday!